i am thinking of ending things.
These past few days, or rather these past few years have been really draining. I think of ending things from time to time. Sometimes I make vivid plans of how I will end it all. Everything, for good. I always let the moment pass and I come face to face with myself at the end of the tunnel- the one which takes me days, sometimes weeks and maybe even months to escape- and I cannot face myself. My hands, they are always trembling, especially more when I see myself and realise how utterly shattered I had been to make such realistic plans of how I will kill myself. I convulse with disgust, from myself, of how I could think of it, so thoroughly at that. Every word I write is lightyears away from fleeting moments of such agonising misery and plans of departure.